now (for a friend)

possibly

I meant to see it through to the end

perhaps

I should have trusted you to be my friend

suppose now

that I somehow

know how

to create for you and me

that reality

imagine the ability

to create such possibility

and to see the responsibility

piled upon perfect imperfections

crumble to invisibility

I try diligently

to figure out who will it be…

which one of us

is going to state the obvious

I try to conceive now

the very direction we’re going

though my heart  can only believe now

theres no possible way of knowing

so all that I see now

behind your eyes and beneath the coding

is that its time to trust me now

and move beyond these memories that I’ve been holding

beyond a chase

beyond a goal

the means and the end

forever

is a long endeavor

that feels less like fighting for

without you friend

but I’ve become a champion at waiting

tabling the knots of my tied up heart strings

malingering in the meantime

dancing through daydreams

that every sleepless night brings

watching the way that my heart clings

to the clatter that makes my ears ring

to the words that my angles of fear sing

hopeless romantics, without wonder

without wings

and no expectation for all the silly things

I’ve planned for

they’ve no longer become what I stand for

i’m sitting down now

sitting to just be now

able to see

whats before me now

two sets of hands holding locks with no key now

and yet I still can’t seem to agree

with the reality that I see now

but I had my chance

and perhaps through happenstance

i’ve finally become free now

it’s all no longer up to me….now