Friday, January 30, 2009
I always planned on my time away from my family to be limited. I was anxious for the experience but always knew I would return to the place I grew up having brought with me all the experiences I have gained from being so far away. But the longer that I am away, the more disconnected I feel from home. Or perhaps just that "idea" of home. I guess this merits the question "what is home" or perhaps the clichéd question "where is home." I suppose that no matter how close or far you are to where you grew up, these questions still abound in everyone’s mind. But it's a question that scares me in a way that I've never felt before.
"They" say you can always go home. But can you? Is there a point you reach when you've been away for so long that going home to where you grew up almost feels like going "back" to a foreign place? And that perhaps, simply because you grew up there, doesn't necessarily mean you belong there? And if that is the case, how do you find comfort in knowing that where your blood family is located....might not be the best place for your own individual growth, experience and "life."
Can you always go home?
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
These statements....these emotions, would imply that there are two of us. Two people, maybe even more, built within one body. Multiple voices spouting their opinions, fears, emotions and desires. We even see it when all of these voices are aligned and agree on something. We make statements like "i feel this with all of my being." Which again implies that all of our voices, personalities and beliefs are in agreement. And there are times when we have to choose between the "us" that makes the most sense at the time. One side says go, one side says stay. One side says yes, one side says no. One side says "i know i can," the other says "i'm just not sure."
So which do we choose to listen to? Which voice could be, should be the most powerful? And how do we even know where these voices are generated from? From the heart, the mind, the soul? Would it make any difference if we knew?
Are there two of us? and if so, which one do we listen to?
Monday, January 26, 2009
It was the essence of "her"
the mere presence of "her"
that prompted my vacillation
to provide a solid explanation
in my lines
when i began receiving signs
of all kinds
that my minds
eye, had been lookin in a new direction
with a brand new process of selection
for love and affection
and with my heart and soul showing no objection
i allowed these feelings to invade
but still with my words no effort was made
for homage in rhyme to her was never paid
because back then
fear of perception was what held my pen
from others looking in
and even from the glare of my own eyes
my passion became something i had to fictionalize
and by no surprise
my words had formed stories i couldn't begin to recognize
can you imagine something so absurd
poems lost and hesitation incurred
allowing my voice to be bound and gird
by the fear of using one 3 letter word
it was "her" i was dying to say
with "her" i wanted to spend my day
"her" was who i wanted to stay
all the while telling myself if was they
they that stood in my way
battled to no end
because they couldn't comprehend
the reason i had to pretend
that "her" was NOT my godsend
that "her" was NOT the one to mend
the pieces of my shattered body and broken soul
that "her" was the one I couldn't openly extol
feelings with which THEY couldn't understand and i couldn't control
hidden feelings that began to take their toll
a point at which i could no longer console
and had to disagree
with my frustrated vision of the ones i could see
and i realized i needed to move that finger 180 degrees
cause clearly the only one standing in my way was me
i had always been free
to make my choice
to give my feelings for "her" a voice
allowing my words to form a confession
to show my obsession
through my own form of expression
that "her" had become the center of my being
inside "her" was where i was fleeing
that "her" was all I was really seeing
it was "her"
my words now form for "her"
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I'm confident we're paying closer attention now more than ever. Today is one of those moments when you can literally feel the energy and spirit of the each being on this Earth move the wind that presses up against your body. A day when we can all feel, literally, connected to one another and be so incredibly proud of the life we've been granted because of the pride we feel for the life next to us that has been granted.
I'm confident we can and will make that feeling last.