If I can offer you any piece of advice it would be this:
Live now. Life is too damn short to simply wish things were different.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

action vs. intention

I used to worry about my actions
that was until I found out about intention
the wonderful “get out of jail free” card
the word thats come to mean
“acceptance of
expectant of
blatant disregard”

its become our licensed learned behavior
positive proof that we’re just not paying attention
displaying next to our height and weight
that  we’re just too scared to mention
the way that these indolent intentions
have taken root from their ascension
into this world of open and closed
minded comprehension
while they mix
and mingle
with feeble fractions
of dangerous distractions
until they become nothing more
than a heartless reaction
to the same…
but different
intended action

and I have to know
have to ask the question
when did
actions intended
replace any actual action extended
or even worse
become a reasonable excuse that defended
the contradictory convictions suspended
inside the very action impended

see I’m confused
or maybe just don’t get it
intentions have taken the lead
while actions simply aid and abet it
with a “baby, I’m sorry, I regret it”
“how can you think I don’t love you
after all the times I’ve said it?”
a point at which
intended angry hearts
turn to the mind to let it
tuck away angry reactions
until the only reasonable action left
is to simply forget it

we forget and erase
that any action ever took place
so soundly convinced by the
intent look on the offenders face
the foreign body language that we loath yet embrace
with our very own misrepresented intention
allowing empty word games
to infiltrate and attack
unleashing fully loaded rhetoric
with the same impact
the very action itself lacked
all designed to distract
defensive actions still intact
from the exact
very matter of the fact…
the motherfuckin act

perhaps certain circumstances
require a deeper investigation
some consideration of intent
behind the action based offense
to justify the determination
of consequence
but to me it doesn’t seem to make sense
the apparent assignment of pretense
rationalizing the action
based solely on intent
when at the end of the day
an action is simply that
an action
without defense
the very need for any reaction to commence…
seems like common sense

the act
the action
the commotion
the display
that berate
that betray
the intent filled words that we say
seem necessary to outweigh
the very intent that seeks out every ounce of self respect
as its prey
so lets pray
that the promise of yesterdays intent
will no longer outshine
the actions of today

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

balance and beauty

been trying to find that thin line
buried beneath the sand
that balance of fear and joy
that I hold in either hand
the balance of everything and nothing in particular
the balance of the love I have and love I chose to give to her
the juggling act my natural instincts don’t naturally prefer
the reaction transfer  
that naturally defer
to contextual emotion
with one fluid motion in time
outsourcing my mind to rhyme travel
endorsing the thoughts in each rhyme
sending me back and forth into the past and the distant
knowing the middle line, the balance I’m looking for
lives only in this particular instant
still never consistent
with the emotional overload
I so naturally seem to dwell in
I’m needing to move past the vast
habitual  behavior in order to excel in
sufficient change management of the surrounding day to day
the uncontrollable play
of a change of heart, a change of mind
completing the puzzle myself
when the other party involved only makes it halfway
knowing it’s okay
to serve myself in succession or even before any other
focusing on the happiness that defines me
rather than fulfilling the lost dreams of my mother
releasing the performance piece of me that smothers
every other side
I choose to hide
with the assumption that when revealed
they’ll be no love for her…
another step in the right direction
is all I’m looking and hoping for
another window unlatched
a slight crack in the door
to balance of fear and happiness
the glimpse of gray and the in between
the balance of everything I show and everything I am
the beauty of this person I’ve never seen

What is God

What is God?
I’m confident when I ask that question every mind and heart
Will start to pick apart such a question
While simultaneously making it their mission
To piece together a sufficient definition
A universal composition
Or perhaps their very own rendition
Of what God is
Every mind and heart may also get the impression
That by imposing such a question
That I’ve made the suggestion
Of offering my very own profession
Of what God is
Well, I can’t say that such conviction lay within these lines
But perhaps somewhere inside and around me
On every side and up above,
I carry the sneaky sense, the faithful belief
That God is in fact the very definition of love
And I’m sure this thought is nothing new
Simply something you all already knew
That this love that is God, God that is love
Is all around and inside each and every one of you
But here is my little twist to the mix
How many of you remember this:
That such an abundant and unconditional love is neither
Yours or mine to own
That such a pure and powerful love is only ever felt,
Ever truly known
When it is shown
Through all that we are
In flesh and bone
The rhythm our hearts beat
That keep that pace of love like a metronome
For every voice and every tone
Singing in church or at home
Belting a chorus in our cars
Or over a microphone
Love imbedded in simple reminders that we are never alone
The belief is the beginning
Action and intention the follow through
It’s what we say and how we say it
The ideas we hold strong to
The long list of things we want to do
And making them all come true
It’s moving into
The day when everyday this love makes another debut
And stands steady to remind you
That equally important as giving this love
Is having the confidence and conviction
To open up and start receiving
Letting it fill you
And keep you forever believing
That through the good and the bad
The ups and the downs
Through smiles and frowns
The tears, fears
Beautiful and frustrating moments that life brings
That the voice of God inside you always sings
Taking it all and rising above
Keeping you calm, cool and collected
In the abundant love that is God
And the God that is love

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Just Me

i fear my time to light
may just take a bit longer than i'd planned
a longer distance from where i am
there's something about this grip around my throat
that doesn't seem to want to weaken or let go
its making me light-headed
headed down the wrong way of a one way street
away from me
my mind is aware but seems to have no control over
any complete steps directing my feet
to the point where i retreat and wonder
whoever thought it would take all this
tiny memories and thoughts to reminisce
that actually doesn't seem to add up to all that much
all that i'm made of
yet it breaks my spirit, my soul
and all my faith in love
all this little stuff adding up
to a sum so contradictory
maybe it will help me see
and start to understand what i'm afraid of
maybe it's love
or maybe it's just me

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

moving into the move without

somewhere along the way
long before the loneliness of the present day
somewhere buried in the subconscious, off into the distant
i held tight to the concept of love
in the context of marriage and commitment
even in the midst of understanding
that true love boiled down to nothing more than a choice
i saw this choice as a gift
unlike past views on this tall stature
my wandering mind
and the sexuality i was born with
and i made a point to use these natural things
to be the master of my heart strings
and all it seemed to attract were the unavailable,
unattainable broken minds
baring and sharing their broken wings
endless nights that led to mornings
mourning the less than enthusiastic attempts
of offering all that they could
despite my passion, my attraction
it was all adding up to the sum of no good
and why should it
what did i expect
being the all-star rookie
always on deck
ready and willing with a signed check
for the price of my heart
that turned out to be the price of my neck
then the evening came when i thought i'd hit a home run
then all the bright lights burned out
before any chance of this love had begun
turns out she had to build up her tolerance for loving words
honor and respect
trying to trust the combination of actions and words
became more than a little suspect
so it just seemed easier to project
suggestions that it was my heart that was a little incorrect
it was time to move on and disconnect
from the game
I thought I could win it back but lost it all just the same
and at the end of the day
neither one of us stands to hold the blame
to me you simply became
the forbidden fruit
you did you and i followed suit
ended up at the point where the concept of love
had become the very definition of moot
which in fact means an arguable sentiment
and i hate to argue
so i guess it's no wonder i was never good at it
i got introspective, pulled some books from off the shelf
thought for a minute that maybe all along it was me
that wasn't loving myself
but upon further inspection
detection of endless arguments strewn across my mind
in fact painted a different picture
a scenery of hope and struggle, all in one
honoring love as it's prominent fixture
carrying now the question and answer
with fluid motion I'm moving into the move without
i swallow my pride
take the tears that i've cried
and let it wash away any remnants of doubt
hold true that time and traction will pave this grave
as i turn my back and let it be
until any thought of then, any thought of you
will become nothing more than a distant memory

Sunday, September 12, 2010

X marks the spot

a momentary lapse of intentional intimidation
was all the confirmation
i needed
it repeated and left me lost for the words
that i typically swirl and ponder in preparation
of poetic paragraphs
that force my memory and emotion to last
far beyond what i assume to be the recommended daily dose
i came close that night, but missed the X that marked the spot
one more failure to add to the list, it was getting long now
longer than the days felt
which seemed impossible
but it kept on growing, while the minute and second hands continued to move in reverse
leaving me no time to rehearse my lines, it was showtime
the curtain rose, stage fright, spot light
fear and humiliation exposed
anxiety and panic sat in the front row, loneliness and terror on either side
they began their critique
turned off the lights and challenged my mind to a race
winner takes all, the buried treasure, X marks the spot
the same spot that I missed
looking back i suppose X wasn't the target after all was said and done
the partners in question still question my resillience
use doubt to convince me otherwise
i haven't lost yet, which some may consider or even count as a safe bet
but the set of re-building blocks that believe that to be true
still get their daily breakdown
to be torn up and broken apart
by the wrecking ball that broke my faith and broke my heart
picking up the pile of pieces and rubble consumes me now, tangles
me and my stomach in the same crippling knot
tethered by memories that i bury
under the X that marks the spot

Friday, September 10, 2010

All these questions

i split my passion and rationale in two
in hopes of making it through
making sense and make do
of the leftover pieces of me and you

black and white images that make up our past
paralleled smiles and emotional contrast
all caught within a flash
a kiss and a touch we never thought would be our last
both feeling the shards and shattered glass
of the half empty cup
we dropped and put out with yesterdays trash

but only now with physical distance in between
can my heart begin to grasp
what distance for you and I would really mean
anxiety intervenes
on this unfamiliar scene
of the crumbling black and white images strewn just for show
and the ambiguous gray emotion hidden just below
held tight in a question mark of 
a true love I will never know

and as this question mark starts pressing
when comfort and routine start digressing
its my heart that starts confessing
while my mind ends with second guessing
every move that I make
for its own comfortable sake
embedded memories of the past don't realize the toll they take
on motionless feet
terrified to make another mistake

praying they never will
unaware the first mistake has already been made
by those feet that simply stand still
forward movement is most important now
no matter direction or destination

time, trust, belief and action will serve as your
North, South, East and West
it is your hearts compass that knows you best
who's only interest
is in keeping you focused
on the questions
rather than the answers to life's test
reminds you just keep moving
while the universe takes care of the rest

Monday, September 6, 2010

back to the start

no need to take it easy
no need to be hostile
though the skin that outlines
this profile
may be fragile
we both take our turn to walk each mile
of directionless circles and straight lines
hoping for clarity
though knowing it's rarity
in the emotional parody
of sustained sinserity
until my only familiraity
becomes the solemn vow i've now taken with solidarity
i let it carry me
through this uncharted territory
privately praying it drops me
and breaks my body apart
sticks and stones
can break these bones
and will still feel better than this broken heart
lets go back to the start
when the art that we created
was far greater
than any issue we ever debated
traded thoughts
deep emotions contemplated
were gifts regardless of outcome
or opinion stated
we tried
now we've waited
push came to shove
and now your gonna tell me it's love
thats overrated?
my mixed assumptions
got wrapped up in your mixed emotions
i wanted to race
through the thrill of the chase
but let you set the pace
you were different
so was i
and now it all rests in the same place
in case you weren't sure
somehow didn't see
it's dirty, it's scary
uncertain and unfair
but it's still just you and me

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

how beautiful love could be

The following poem began with a person in mind and ended with the universal love I've been working to show myself along with all those in the world.  Read closely....and you just may find a fragment of yourself to dive into but more importantly...you may just find the love that surrounds you.  

how beautiful love could be
given to you and given to me
wrapping us up while settin us free
love becomes all we see

it takes no time to fall in love
but it takes years to know what love is
dreams that were made of this
emotion that lives above this
earthly tension and time
feelin like the victim
of a victimless crime
when you fall at your prime
in the sublime
of love
it’s love

how beautiful love could be
between everything that is you and me
wrapping us up while settin us free
love becomes all we see

it’s love
that has the power to patrol
your soul
the vision of your goal
and roll
that tiny half into a whole
love is that one feeling
one of the best
through no contest
while your heart caters to every request
of that one special guest
that lies and rests
heavy on your chest
it’s love

how beautiful love could be
for everything that surrounds you and me
wrapping us up while settin us free
love becomes all we see

it takes two in this one on one romance
perhaps one dance
perhaps one chance
to advance
these two hearts
with one glance
adding the one and the two
that enhance
the debut
that grew
these two
lovers into
one true
It’s love.

how beautiful love could be
with the open heart and the open mind of you and me
wrapping us up while settin us free
love becomes all we see

and love gets crazy now and then
during those moments when
moments of communication again and again
become fragments of the misunderstood
offensive reactions, overriding any intention for good
the very moment that could
bring us back to the love-filled moment where we once stood

how beautiful love could be
whatever that means for you and me
take a chance and you will see
just how beautiful love could be...