X marks the spot

a momentary lapse of intentional intimidation
was all the confirmation
i needed
it repeated and left me lost for the words
that i typically swirl and ponder in preparation
of poetic paragraphs
that force my memory and emotion to last
far beyond what i assume to be the recommended daily dose
i came close that night, but missed the X that marked the spot
one more failure to add to the list, it was getting long now
longer than the days felt
which seemed impossible
but it kept on growing, while the minute and second hands continued to move in reverse
leaving me no time to rehearse my lines, it was showtime
the curtain rose, stage fright, spot light
fear and humiliation exposed
anxiety and panic sat in the front row, loneliness and terror on either side
they began their critique
turned off the lights and challenged my mind to a race
winner takes all, the buried treasure, X marks the spot
the same spot that I missed
looking back i suppose X wasn't the target after all was said and done
the partners in question still question my resillience
use doubt to convince me otherwise
i haven't lost yet, which some may consider or even count as a safe bet
but the set of re-building blocks that believe that to be true
still get their daily breakdown
to be torn up and broken apart
by the wrecking ball that broke my faith and broke my heart
picking up the pile of pieces and rubble consumes me now, tangles
me and my stomach in the same crippling knot
tethered by memories that i bury
under the X that marks the spot