been trying to find that thin line
buried beneath the sand
that balance of fear and joy
that I hold in either hand
the balance of everything and nothing in particular
the balance of the love I have and love I chose to give to her
the juggling act my natural instincts don’t naturally prefer
the reaction transfer
that naturally defer
to contextual emotion
with one fluid motion in time
outsourcing my mind to rhyme travel
endorsing the thoughts in each rhyme
sending me back and forth into the past and the distant
knowing the middle line, the balance I’m looking for
lives only in this particular instant
still never consistent
with the emotional overload
I so naturally seem to dwell in
I’m needing to move past the vast
habitual behavior in order to excel in
sufficient change management of the surrounding day to day
the uncontrollable play
of a change of heart, a change of mind
completing the puzzle myself
when the other party involved only makes it halfway
knowing it’s okay
to serve myself in succession or even before any other
focusing on the happiness that defines me
rather than fulfilling the lost dreams of my mother
releasing the performance piece of me that smothers
every other side
I choose to hide
with the assumption that when revealed
they’ll be no love for her…
another step in the right direction
is all I’m looking and hoping for
another window unlatched
a slight crack in the door
to balance of fear and happiness
the glimpse of gray and the in between
the balance of everything I show and everything I am
the beauty of this person I’ve never seen
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