moving into the move without

somewhere along the way
long before the loneliness of the present day
somewhere buried in the subconscious, off into the distant
i held tight to the concept of love
in the context of marriage and commitment
even in the midst of understanding
that true love boiled down to nothing more than a choice
i saw this choice as a gift
unlike past views on this tall stature
my wandering mind
and the sexuality i was born with
and i made a point to use these natural things
to be the master of my heart strings
and all it seemed to attract were the unavailable,
unattainable broken minds
baring and sharing their broken wings
endless nights that led to mornings
mourning the less than enthusiastic attempts
of offering all that they could
despite my passion, my attraction
it was all adding up to the sum of no good
and why should it
what did i expect
being the all-star rookie
always on deck
ready and willing with a signed check
for the price of my heart
that turned out to be the price of my neck
then the evening came when i thought i'd hit a home run
then all the bright lights burned out
before any chance of this love had begun
turns out she had to build up her tolerance for loving words
honor and respect
trying to trust the combination of actions and words
became more than a little suspect
so it just seemed easier to project
suggestions that it was my heart that was a little incorrect
it was time to move on and disconnect
from the game
I thought I could win it back but lost it all just the same
and at the end of the day
neither one of us stands to hold the blame
to me you simply became
the forbidden fruit
you did you and i followed suit
ended up at the point where the concept of love
had become the very definition of moot
which in fact means an arguable sentiment
and i hate to argue
so i guess it's no wonder i was never good at it
i got introspective, pulled some books from off the shelf
thought for a minute that maybe all along it was me
that wasn't loving myself
but upon further inspection
detection of endless arguments strewn across my mind
in fact painted a different picture
a scenery of hope and struggle, all in one
honoring love as it's prominent fixture
carrying now the question and answer
with fluid motion I'm moving into the move without
i swallow my pride
take the tears that i've cried
and let it wash away any remnants of doubt
hold true that time and traction will pave this grave
as i turn my back and let it be
until any thought of then, any thought of you
will become nothing more than a distant memory