Lost and Found

Ironically…
I find myself lost
lost amidst my own rubble and debris
trying to find some resemblance of life
trying to find love...
trying to find memory

I thought I’d started on a path
that led towards my idealistic brighter day
but I’m starting to feel the sun on my back now
as I turn and walk away

and I’m not sure what I’m counting on
to reroute me on this track
but I know it won’t be easy
to find my way back

and I know it to be true, that I don’t wander alone
on what feels like a surface of quick sand
but it’s clear I’ve lost my balance
I no longer know my way
and have never been more uncertain about where I stand

for every path I’ve ever chosen
and for those that have chosen me
I’ve only ever wanted to leave behind love
but along the way…
I’ve somehow lost me

so if you happen to see me along your own way
wallowing in “failed expectations”
“vanished dreams”
or “mislaid means to cope”
please remind me of the path
that just lay slightly out of my eye sight
that finds truth....
that finds comfort...
that finds hope…

Somehow....

this hollow display that accidently found me

that twists and turns around me

proved too weak to withstand my falls and breaks

to make sense of broken memories

for yours and my sake....

premeditated mistakes

seep through in drones to haunt me

and i'm feeling them to my core

they're demanding i make immediate decisions

i haven't prepared for....

and i find myself walking this fine line

that was once radiant with possibilities

and now simply begs for peace and tranquility

from the double sided question that asks will it be

you

or me

that determines the outcome of this fate

or will it just be left unanswered

to drown out and deteriorate...

i'm scared to know now and i'm scared to wait

for the truth to be shown

but i know i can't stop it from coming

i can't run away from the unknown...

i can only remind myself

every moment of every day

of the bone clinching cliche

that nothing worth having

knowing

feeling

ever comes easy

can come and go

and truly may never stay...

so all i can do is stand to protect

what is here

what is now

in hopes to find some clarity

to part these clouds

some way

somehow....

even if that clarity

are more grey tapestries

that take no time

and care little about casualties

there is no need for something so grand

something eternal

or profound

simply the knowledge

the courage

the open mind to feel confident

that every passing moment

is another chance

to turn it all around

Broken Ending

reflecting on all the things I never said to you
and knowing now that I’ll never have the chance to
i’m comforted by the tears collecting in my eyes
full of regret
spilling drops of pain down my cheek
only to sink right back into my skin
and there you are again…
under my skin

hopeless attempts to reconnect
have led us to this dead end of misleading
misunderstandings
misinformed
miscommunication….
and I miss you

and I feel like rolling over and dying
anything to stop the slide show of images
cycling behind my closed eyes
images of endless smiles
hugs
and kisses
friends forever….

that is until factors
and friendships
romances
and circumstances
circumvent
and create
harsh realities
reflecting off of an unforgiving fate of….
done

done?
how is that even possible?

I won’t beg you to think twice...

to try...

to fight...
but I can assure you that the tears collecting in my eyes
full of regret
will quickly transfer to yours if you don’t
and their pain will spill down your cheeks
when you realize you want to try now…
and I won’t

convince yourself of what you will
I can no longer hold your hand
and I’ll remain confident that this outcome
is something neither of was wanted
that neither of us planned
and that I guess
sometimes
things just don’t work out the way you planned

I’ll always be grateful for our memories
for every moment you’ve seen me through….
I’ll always miss it all….
I’ll always miss you