Let Me Live (The Prayer)

I’m ready to let you have it
and this may be all I have left to give
these very words to you
this is my last plea to let me live

So I’m gonna ask you:

How are you going to reach down inside me
to plant your seeds of hope
just to water me down with doubt
and no means or methods to cope

How are you going to build my heart
out of strength, humility and ration
just to make it pump through my veins
vulnerability, fear and passion

How are going to make me dig deeper
Internalize
Criticize
Rationalize
Realize
and apologize
When you knew damn well
those were the very efforts
that would only lead to my demise

How are you going to paint this picture of me
inside your extravagant expectation
just to leave me stranded
on a blank canvas
completely void of journey or destination

How are you going to make me question this life
but then offer no relief
how are you going to make me get down on my knees for you
when you knew I’d only end up standing in disbelief

How are you going fill my head
constantly
constantly
making me think there’s something different
something more
If this is it
if this is really all you have in store

I’d be okay with this reality
if you’d let me be okay with being done
and yet you keep my heart chasing
burning
believing
that something “big” has just begun

And I want to believe
I want to believe that you know what’s best
and that all these tears, fears and frustrations
really are just your test

Well I’ll be the first to tell you
I’ve failed this part
so it’s time for me to move on now
and reconnect with my heart

You know what I’m lookin for
You know what I have to give
so I’m asking for your help now
God, I need your help to let me live…

Still No Words

still no words

come to mind

as my mind circles

thoughts and ideas

of this idea

of you

i'm left only with images

glimpses

and graphics

that lend themselves

to my practice 

of practicing 

you...

words are just no match 

for such effortless infatuation

to testament

and trepidation

surrounding a rational realization

a family foundation

for your reckless concentration

constantly connecting to a higher power

of disconnected determination

to make moves 

that move my bones

in a way they've never felt before

and yet i still have no words

words that have flowed simple 

and easy 

for past loves

and lovers 

undercover

and under my covers

were simply that...

simple

and easy....

while you 

are anything but

rather you remain

the simplest seed

growing inside of me

expanding into complex

contexts

creating complicated objects

that intersect

the middle ground

of our worst

of our best

which has become the best

part of me...

so its no wonder 

no words

come easy 

for me

lay stagnant 

and still

for me

for that could never be

what you would ever be

for me

you will forever be

the contrary 

the one that pushes back 

that dares me

the one that scares me

then repairs me

that holds tight

then shares me

that prepares me

for a world i could only imagine

would never dare be

mine....

my reality

so no words 

still no words

come to mind

to describe this love....

this love thats in my heart

this love i've found... 

and still have yet to find

beyond this dead end....

I sat at this dead end
and tried to calculate my risk
but it just wasn't adding up
i was left with two remainders
fearful hesitation
or a blindfolded jump

so i jumped

and as i recall
bundled nerves of fear and excitement
fueled my will to fall
to break down my own stereotypical wall
to embrace the unknown
through the joy
through the pain
through it all

so i floated freely
setting sights
to new heights
a new fight
and new levitation
that drowned
down
the background
sound
with a new song about concentration
that cared less about a location
describing
and defining
a final destination
but rather on the surprises
on the rise as
i released expectation

this was about a new way a thinking

taking the world in
with child-like senses
i took the time
i took it in
and i dropped my defenses
i made peace
i made love
started speakin only in present tenses
i gave it up
i gave it all
forgetting all my prior expenses
as I gazed over these fences
and saw the beauty
that lay just past this dead end

i’m staring now at endless possibilities

shades and shadows of possibilities
lay beyond this dead end
beyond you
beyond me
beyond traditional experience
that provide a false guarantee
beyond perception
beyond rationality
beyond any idea of what it means to be free
beyond this dead end
await surprises of what this world needs me to be
beyond this poem
beyond these words
beyond a life
I have yet to see

beyond this dead end
it’s all just waiting for me…

i'm comin…

Dead End

its no wonder

i hold a broken compass in one hand

and a broken heart in the other

sitting here now

at this dead end

i set sail on this journey

without discretion

direction

or any means of detection

for these life altering connections

i've made...

least of all

the ones that sit with me

at this dead end

i watched labels

and inhibitions

with careful concentration

fly out car windows

and off roof tops

with no care

or anticipation

of their predestined

destination...

sitting next to me

at this dead end

days, months and years

tied together

blind eyes, smiles and tears

that exposed

tied tongues, hopes and fears

reassuring the voice inside hearts

and heads

that everything may never be as it appears

even now

even here

as it all sits with me

at this dead end

my body is anxious and sore

while my mind can only wish

hope

and pretend

that it's not time to sit here

to sit alone with these memories

alone...

at this dead end

My Mind Wanders

To no end

and with no sign of where to begin

my mind wanders

around preverbal circles

made up of imaginary numbers and words

numbers and words that do their best

to be the best of intentions

imaginary inventions

built inside instincts

and conventions

held to the highest degree

360 degrees

my mind wanders

around this circle of reality

trying to find the perfect place to fit

this square of emotional confusion

bending and breaking

squeezing and taking

every ounce of energy in the making

from every side

and every corner

until i'm cornered

cornered inside this circle

of a wordless reality

that splits me down the middle

creating the emotionless duality

i see staring up, down and around me

every second of every day

with timeless punctuality

inundated from the outside

with no hope to get it out of me

no hope to get it out of me

and no hope to get it back in

inside the circle

my mind wanders around

wandering to no end...

and no sign of where to begin