Rearview

i tossed my unwanted baggage
and packed only what i could hold

in the passenger seat....

where you used to sit

it was going to be a long trip

with the west in my rearview

a long, winding

binding

road back to a familiar

new place

full of long lost memories

and those yet to be made

it wasn't easy to say goodbye

to present connections, intentions

and i fear it may be even harder to say

hello to the past

but it's something i knew had to be done

something larger than me

pulling me

reminding me

of future goals

i'd never made

and i fear there will be mixed emotions when i go

of immediate affliction

that will quickly transform

into long term listlessness

which is the very reason why

i think i've overstayed my welcome

I'd painted over the truth for far too long

with surface level assurances

that i thought for sure could last...

forever

but the last thing i remember

was lost and delirious activity

full of intoxicating conversation

filling a 22 ounce glass that i chugged

every day before work without hesitation

focusing intense dedication

to wild nights

in wild desperation

while i watched

and waited

for the next bedside destination...

to get wild on

i loved and learned

grew deeper

and deeper connections were later made

upon rocks

upon sand

upon my hands

that held hearts

i was destined to unfold

and others i was never fully equipped to hold

my heart sat upon her hands

and she broke it

some of these memories

are in the passenger seat where you used to sit

while the others sit in a trash bag

on my old street corner

the salt from the pacific

resonates on my tongue

as i watch it disappear

in the rearview

and lingering gratitude

dances upon my heart

and soul

as you disappear too